I woke up this morning to a couple of realizations. Primarily – it’s November. Whoa. How did that happen!?!? Does this mean it’s time to pack up my bathing suits and tank tops? (NEVER!) As it turns out, November happens to be National Caregiver’s Awareness Month, which brings me to my second realization – I have not shared a blog post in two years. What better time to bring these updates on Dad and what it’s like to be a full time caregiver back to life? So here we go.
What’s new?
Typically, when you run into a friend and ask, ‘what’s new,’ the expected response is, ‘not much.’ Have you ever received a genuine response to that question? In this case, it’s been a couple years since I posted an update, so there are actually some ‘new’ things in our lives. The biggest of all, is that in February 2020, we moved to a new house (right across the street from the house my dad and I moved into in 2018) and my husband, Randy, moved in with us. Why move to a house directly across the street from where you currently live, you ask?
Couple reasons. The new house is directly on the water and is more spacious. After spending three years living apart from Randy, it became evident that caring for my dad was going to be a long term situation. When I first moved out, I told Randy that I’d never ask him to sacrifice his lifestyle or make any changes to accommodate our situation. That meant that while I was living with my dad, Randy stayed in our house in the city, near all of our friends. This maintained to be true but we ended up coming to the joint conclusion that things are better when we’re together. The new house is perfect for us because it allows more space for us and while Randy had to sacrifice his bachelor-like city living lifestyle, he now has the benefit of life on the water. Bonus perk: Dad LOVES waking up every day, looking at the water and counting the ducks. Every day now begins with an update on how many ducks are or aren’t floating around our pier.
A House and a New Job Too?
In late 2019 after being laid off from my job at 2U, I made the decision, with the support of my brother, to not look for another job and to focus solely on what was already a full time position – caring for our dad. It’s important I mention that my brother not only supported this idea but also encouraged it because giving up a salary meant that I’d become financially reliant on my dad. My brother saw how managing my dad’s care and trying to function in a professional role at work that was demanding and time consuming, was tearing me apart, I’ll be forever thankful to him for encouraging me leave my professional life behind and embrace life as a Stay at Home Daughter.
OK….. so, why did you get a new job? Oh well, turns out that life is infinitely easier without having a stressful 60 hour work week plus caring for Dad but guess what? It’s also lonely. It was the loneliest time of my life. I was living in a neighborhood where I didn’t know many people, all of my friends were still in my old neighborhood in the city, along with my husband, and I really missed the interactions with my colleagues – many of them were much more to me than just coworkers. So, I decided to solve this problem by revisiting something I know how to do well and love – bartending. As luck had it, there was a cute local dive bar, only blocks from our house. I could pick up a couple shifts a week, make new friends, and only be a minute walk from my dad at any time if there were to be an emergency at home. This was great for a couple of months until March of 2020 when Covid hit.
So…. what’s the new job? Well, it’s not bartending. That was great but once the bar reopened after lockdown ended, it unfortunately burned down. So at this point, I’d been laid off and then my new place of employment had burned down. Thank you Universe. I get your point, but I still can’t fully wrap my mind around not having some sort of job. During all of that time, I had began making candles as a creative and therapeutic outlet. In November 2020, I decided to turn my candle business into an official caregiver side hustle and launched, Casa Figlia. I’ll discuss caregiver side hustles more in a a future post but will share with you now that after a year of launching my new business, I have sold over 1,000 candles!
How’s Dad?
Short answer – he’s great! He’s lost a lot of the weight (over 40 lbs!) that he’d gained while recovering from cancer, he’s making great cognitive improvements, he is involved in multiple studies at Hopkins and most importantly, he’s happy. He’s taken a couple trips up to Long Island to visit his brothers, nieces and nephew, he had a wonderful week at the beach this summer, he spends time with his grandsons as often as he can and he goes to the gym multiple times a week. He is also well enough to stay home alone for short periods of time without me worrying he’ll try again to hitch hike back to NY. Expect a more detailed post on his updates, how he’s overcome obstacles and what his day to day looks like coming soon!
How Are You Going to Observe Caregiver Awareness Month?
During the month of November, National Caregiver Awareness Month, I plan on bringing my blog back to life with more updates, tales of caregiving and quick, healthy recipe ideas. I’ll also be posting daily caregiver facts, anecdotes, funny dad sayings, annoying dad sayings, vents, rants. etc…. on Instagram My hope in sharing these posts is two-pronged – to keep those who know and love us in the know about my dad’s progress and to hopefully reach, encourage and connect with other caregivers. Thanks for following our journey.